Every once in a while I get this idea that I need to, I should, figure out my style. I want to be one of those people who has a style, who is sufficiently in-touch with herself and sense of style to be selective and decisive when it comes to fashion. Having a style--indicative, I've thought, of self-awareness and confidence. I want that.
So, one day, Inspired by a Ralph Lauren spread in a magazine, I'll brazenly decide that I will always and only dress like I could be in a Ralph Lauren ad (errrr, that the clothes I wear could be in such an ad). Next thing you know, I'll see someone at a function who is all chic bohemian style, but clean and classy boheminan, and I make a mental note that I like her style and should adopt it as my own. Then, I'll watch a sitcom or talk show and see some star in a pair of blue jeans and a crisp white tee shirt, with some great jewelry, and think, "Yep, THAT, is my look. From here on out, every day, jeans and a white tee shirt."
Later, I'll see a well-dressed businesswoman on a legal drama and think, "yes, she looks snappy, and that is just the way I want to dress" (temporarily suspending the reality that I now live on a ranch, work out of my home, and during my lunch break I change irrigation lines). No more jeans and tee shirts. Jeans, button downs and heels--at minimum. And then, I go to a friend's tee-ball game and see a cute mom dressed in stylish workout clothes and sneakers and think, "I like that look. Sporty, but put together. Perfect for my lifestyle. Add some lipstick and it will work just right in the home office or in town."
The result of such thinking... on one end of my closet rack are trench coats, business suits, and pencil skirts, and just across the aisle hang flirty sundresses, a jean jacket, gaudy blouses, striped smocks, and gingham prints. Smattered in between you find a flowy navy and white polka dotted Ralph Lauren dress (a la Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) next to a long bohemian wrinkly skirt, and some preppy shirts, all keeping company with mini skirts, flowy chiffon skirts, and a red bandana type skirt with which I just can't part.
My closet bears witness to the fact that I do not have a style. I will never "be" Kate Middleton, or J.Lo, much less a shorter, heavier, and less attractive model of Ralph Lauren clothes. But, I'm okay with that. Or, I'm becoming okay with that (moreso with the not being Kate Middleton or J.Lo than with the latter). Just because I don't have a style doesn't mean I don't have style! Alas, harken the words of fashion icon Oscar de la Renta, who said "Fashion is about dressing according to what's fashionable. Style is more about being yourself."
Pencil skirts and pressed lacks that hang next to ruffly, lightweight sundresses and bohemian chic blouses, across way from the shelves of faded jeans, college tees, and stacks of random sale items? That is me. My closet says, "I have varied tastes," "I'm trying," "I'm evolving," "I'm fun," "I'm serious," "I'm practical." My closet says, no screams, I have style.
Sometimes, I am farm girl chic, or more often just no-makeup, mussed up farm girl." (Admittedly, not my best, albeit a frequent, look!)
Sometimes, I like to be, and have need to be, the pencil skirt with the starched button down. I can pull off the stylish trendsetter (well, for these parts), and just as easily do the soccer mom (sans the mom part). I like high heels, but I also like galoshes, cowboy boots and tennis shoes.
And, just as my tastes in wardrobe vary, so do my tastes in just about everything else. I've always struggled with and despised the "superlative" questions of what is your favorite color, your favorite song, your favorite movie or favorite artist? I would feel inadequate when asked such questions and unable to rattle off an answer.
Favorite color? Well, I really like red, but I couldn't live with just red. And, I really wouldn't like red if I didn't know that there was yellow out there. Green, now that is a wonderful color. Love green. And, then there's blue. Oh, how I love blue. Couldn't live without blue.
Favorite music? I don't own hardly any CDs because, while I a like several songs by several artists, I rarely enjoy listening to a whole CD of the same artist. And picking just one song out of all the different types of music and songs? And do you mean the words to a song, or the actual music? There are some songs with fabulous words, but I don't care much for the music. Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan? You Were Always on My Mind by Willie Nelson? Simon and Garfunkel, Chicago, Martina McBride, Clay Aiken? Journey, Ingrid Michaelson, Katy Perry or Kenny Chesney? Don't forget Abba and Elton John.
Books? I wouldn't give up my copy of Charlotte's Web any sooner than I'd give up by copies of Social Ethics, Kierkegaard, the Blue Sweater, or Crime and Punishment. I remember a road trip in college where everyone in the van was sharing his/her "favorite" Bible verse and I was nearly in a cold sweat waiting my turn because I didn't have a "favorite" and felt like such fact would suggest a lack of spiritual maturity, rather than an appreciation for different passages speaking to us at different times.
Well, thanks to that time I spent in the closet, with not a bare hanger in sight and yet a feeling of "nothing to wear," I have concluded that what I have sometimes considered indecisiveness or lack of self-awareness, really is not. I know who I am, and I am a great many things.
I like the fact that I don't have one "type" of music. I am a country girl, but I love the city. Sailing on the Sound, followed by dinner at Ray's and a round of tennis in the a.m. No problem. A trailride and campfire. Love it. I am a great many things and a liker of a great many things. I have an abundance of "really likes" and "don't want to live withouts," and what may be a "favorite" today, will be replaced by something else tomorrow. Today can be my favorite day, but tomorrow can be too.
Don't get me wrong; there are times where decisions must be made, and times where we must live with the choices we've made, or find a way to do so (in the case of my closet, this translates to many items in the closet that still have tags soon finding their way to Goodwill). But, also there is plenty enough time to simply enjoy the abundance of great many things of all different kinds. I don't need to have the style of Jackie O or Kate Middleton, any more than I need to dress like Lady Gaga to make a statement. That, my friends, is what I learned while in the closet.
Todays' Song, also inspired by my closet, is "Give it Away" by Quincy Coleman.
