Present.

A pretty average day yesterday, with a little of this and a little of that, and plenty of thinking about things I should be doing, things I'd rather be doing, and things that I would do if or when this, that, or the other happens.  Moments of looking at my watch, checking in on how much longer til  "the moment" anticipated.  Moments of completing mundane task with my mind set on "the next thing."

For all my life I’ve struggled with living in the moment, or even more so, being “fully present” in the moment.  I know it is the right way to live; yet, as is true of most aphorisms, believing it to be true doesn’t often make one any more likely to live by it.  Particularly for me--the queen of giving advice that I don't follow myself.

Even when the moment is perfect, the company splendid, and the whole world seemingly at peace, I will recognize and appreciate the preciousness and joy of the moment—or the fact that I should be doing it—only to have my mind and heart start focusing on the imminence of its ending—the moment when the company will tire and ready to go home, how long til the heavy winds come up, the yellow jackets invade, the “other shoe” drops.

Everyone always said to enjoy being a kid, how nice it was; yet, I couldn’t wait to grow up.  I liked school, but school was just a stepping stone to getting into the college I wanted.  I remember the four years of college that everybody said would be the best time of my life; and, despite that being true, most of the time I was focused on finishing the project, reading the books, writing the next paper, wondering and preparing for what would come next.  At a point, I actually was thinking how nice it would be to have job and money, instead of books to read and papers to write; university was less about the experience and learning than it was about preparing for what would come next.  Putting in long hours as a law associate and working my socks off was for the purpose of making partner, not because I really was enjoying what I was doing.  Of course, as soon as I made partner, I was on to "the next thing."

Why this tendency, this impatience, this always looking ahead for something more, better?  Why am I so bad at being in the moment, and being fully present with my mind at rest, my eyes and ears wide open and my heart fully alert to what, who, and everything going on at that moment?  Why always so goal oriented, so destination focused, only to reach the destination and be ready to pack up and head back home?

I suppose there is something aspirational and good about the imminence of tomorrow, or events of the future.  but, at the end of the day, I have to believe that too often, in my life at least, whatever good there is in “looking forward”—in hope, if you would—is outweighed by loss, waste, or apparent forgettableness (forgettability?) of today.  The realization that I did not live in the moment enough, that I am no living in the moment enough, is pretty tragic, particularly once the moment is gone—quite likely not even captured by photographs. 

Today, most of the day, I followed my normal pattern of multitasking and anticipating the next thing.  There were moments, though--precious moments--where I was present and took in, with laser focused attention, the present moment and all that it had to offer.  I was inspired to take some photos.

They have no idea that I am on my way to turn on the irrigation.  And, that is just fine, they have no need to worry.  By the time I get to the hydrants, the birds have moved on to their next moment. 

And there is something about moments where I'm present that can't be put into words.

The moment, this moment, is all we really have for certain.  There is no certainty of the next moment or what lies within it.  The next moment, if we are so lucky as to have it, may not be what we were expecting--be that good or bad.

Top left--Enjoying the moment...unaware of the imminent invasion by Atticus.

I think one of the reasons I love nature and my animals so much is because it seems they are so much better than I at "being fully present."

Always in the moment.

Escape to the River with "Uncle Bill" and Atticus' best friends.

I remember this moment.  I didn't want to be anywhere else, and I wasn't.

My friend, Bill Johnson, took this photo and it may be my all time favorite.  I see this photo and I can feel that moment.

So, as I embark upon another day--or another moment--I will be mindful of what my good friend Gandhi told me:


I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.

And then, in rare form, he allowed me to add a "but."   But God has given me this moment.   I'm living it.