Funk.

“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”  Horace Mann said that.  I love that quote.  Almost as much as love the name "Horace."  That quote inspires me.

But, today I’m in a funk, having a hard time getting motivated, even to do fun or relaxing things. And, Horace Mann’s directive, as motivational as it is— is sort of the root of my funk.  Maybe that will make more sense by the end of this post.  Maybe not.

I feel guilty about feeling in a funk, knowing that I should be able to simply mentally “flip the switch” and be sunny, energetic, and off to win some victory for humanity.  Yet, as seems to be true in my life more than I’d like, I too often don’t do what I know that I should do.


The list of blessings that I—that most of us—have been given is practically endless.   From the significant --freedom, health, peace, fresh air, and a full stomach...to the practical--education, electricity, fresh water, jobs, cars, computers, microwaves, and cell phones..to the ordinary and indulgent--toothbrushes, clean sheets, windows to keep out the rain and let in the sun, gummy bears, and paper towels and windex with which to (attempt to) keep those windows clean. 

No doubt, in the course of a couple of hours I could list a thousand things for which I am grateful. (Yes, one thousand, and if anyone wants to challenge me, $1 for everything over 1000 that I can come up with).   I am grateful…even for the smallest of things because, really, they are not:  a house that needs cleaned, lawns that need mowing, dishes that need washed, thank you notes that need to be written...old raggedy ann dolls that still give love, magazines that are informative as well as a guilty pleasure, hand made wall hangings, books and the authors that write them, gummy bears. 

This sense of gratefulness—this sense of extraordinary privilege and blessing undeserved—is so overwhelming that half the time I think on it, it leads me to my so called state of “funk.”  Maybe I become abashedly paralyzed by guilt—the notion of “why me” and why should I be the one who has so many things in which to delight when so many--many whom I hardly know or have never met, are every bit as deserving and yet have faced, are facing, or will face floods, plagues, illnesses, hunger, torture, fear, and pain in ways that I likely cannot even imagine.

Perhaps I am foiled by fear—by the idea that “to whom much is given, much will be demanded,” and that the way I am living this one, wild and precious life is so woefully inadequate, all things considered.


Perhaps I simply cannot wrap my arms around and accept the idea that one little act can make a big difference, that giving kindness and grace as opportunities arise can be “enough.”  Insights on the subject abound, encouraging me that it is “enough” to do what I can where I am, that God needs people in all professions and places, that is enough to be "willing to go, but prepared to stay:"

Says Leo Buscaglia :  The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around.  It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt. 

Thomas Dekker's lovely words:  To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done - this is how I desire to waste wisely my days. 

No less, Mother Teresa: We can do no great things, only small things with great love….If you can’t feed one hundred people, then feed just one. 

I know first hand the way that a friendly greeting and smile from a stranger can turn around my bad day.  But is that enough?  Sometimes…most of the time…it just doesn’t seem like it to me…as it pertains to me, anyway.  Maybe I am not seeking out and realizing all the opportunities that exist to make love felt. 

Maybe I just want a map that shows me where “there” is and how to get “there.”  I’m good at reading maps.  I like directions.  I can follow directions.  I’m not afraid to ask for directions.  Please...where are my directions? 

 

I know, “there” is really "here" and “anywhere.”  I still want a map. 
 
"Enough" is no easier to discern with respect to giving and gratitude than it is with money and things.  Frustrating, but perhaps a good thing.
 

Looks like the daffys are coming out of their funk.  Guess I can too!